It's been a long time. Such a very long time.
I have 7 weeks left in Mbale.
Oh my goodness.
I have 7 weeks left in Mbale.
I can't think long and hard about leaving without getting a knot in my throat. I try not to think about how much I will miss it, but sometimes the thoughts sneak into my mind uninvited and unwelcomed. Uganda is a tough place to be sometimes, but God has brought me the past 13 years with an intense passion for this country.
I can't even explain it. It's the pain of constant goodbyes, the joy of incredibly strong relationships, the moments where God's glory is splashed all over creation, the struggles of living in a third-world country - they all come together to make an experience that's unspeakably precious.
I think about how homesick I always get on furloughs and wonder how I will ever survive for years in America.
I know this won't be like a furlough. I know that. I will make friends, build a life for myself, learn to love America for all its unique quirks. I am excited about this newest adventure, and I wouldn't miss it for all the world.
Still, I'm not gonna lie. I'm scared to death of the future.
I don't ever want to forget Uganda. I don't want to forget the beauty, the pain, the poverty, or the love. I don't want to go back to America and see Uganda through rose-colored lenses. I don't want to idealize my childhood home. At the same time, I want to remember the good things forever. I want the smells and feelings to be as real to me in America as they are here. I want to remember Uganda, the good and the bad.
I have to apologize to anyone who's still reading this. I realize I seem stuck on this topic. The next entry won't be about leaving.
Unless I don't get around to the next entry before I'm leaving America...in which case, we'll have an interesting juxtaposition on our hands. :)
Bye y'all, that's all for now.
Comments (3)
Oh, Leila. I so feel the way you do....even if it doesn't really make sense considering how I've never been to Uganda.
But I've been there, at least in my heart. I've always had a passion for Africa since I was young and I'm sorry you're leaving. But I know you will always come back. Uganda is your home, and though you might be in another part of the world, Africa is already stamped in your heart.
I especially love these lines:
"I can't even explain it. It's the pain of constant goodbyes, the joy of incredibly strong relationships, the moments where God's glory is splashed all over creation, the struggles of living in a third-world country - they all come together to make an experience that's unspeakably precious.
I don't ever want to forget Uganda. I don't want to forget the beauty, the pain, the poverty, or the love."
Very poetic, very realistic and full of bittersweet love.
Goodbyes aren't over till you know you'll never come back.
"I don't ever want to forget Uganda. I don't want to forget the beauty, the pain, the poverty, or the love."
Because of this you will hopefully have a much greater appreciation for things than many Americans. I hope that the next 7 weeks go well and that you absorb every ounce of the love you have for it there.
You don't have to say goodbye, just, see you later. I hope that the new life you build for yourself is amazing.
I can totally relate with you on the sadness of goodbyes and leaving a place that has become the source of your happiness and pain -- it is indeed bittersweet. there will always be a melancholy in changes. i hope you will have an interesting new adventure in the next phase of your life or journey.